Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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