I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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