Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
