I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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