my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
