I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Never joke about your clitoris.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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