I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
