This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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