i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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