So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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