My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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