I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
