I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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