I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
