That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Randomize
