I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize