Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
