I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
