How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
