She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize