So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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