I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
