I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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