i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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