remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
