I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
