not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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