you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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