new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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