it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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