Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Also, beer. Big fan.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
