suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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