By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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