Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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