If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
