I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
