she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
