Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
