Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
