take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
