Kiss
Puke
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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