i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
