How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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