Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires