She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.