i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup