here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award