The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?