so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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