Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
