Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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