You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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