For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
we should paint friendship bongs
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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