Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
