I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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