He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
