Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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