The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
