i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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