i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
