Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
