I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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