Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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