I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
