It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
