and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
