Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
someone owes me an orgasm
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
