Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
