problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
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I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
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Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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