i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Randomize
