matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
