We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
