Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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