Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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