I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
