She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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