I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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