remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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