help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
