I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
