He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
