I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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