I just made out with a guy for $7.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I think my moral compass just broke
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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