my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You made out with two different species that night
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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