"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
only if we run a train.
done.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
