Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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