Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
this just has baby written all over it
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
