He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Randomize
