Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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